Resurrection

Soooo....I realize it's been nearly 10 months since I last made an update, but since I feel like I need an outlet to "vent" or share or whatever you would like to call it, I figured here would be a good place, so in that, the blog has been resurrected!!!

I'll try to keep my recap of the 2010 season brief! So here it is: 42 races (road/cross combined), 4 victories, multiple podiums, a lot of 5th place finishes and an upgrade to a Cat 2 on the road! Not a bad year on the bike and I have a feeling I haven't peaked yet as a rider, so more fun to come! Highlights: 2nd at Day 2 Tulsa Tough in my biggest field yet, of 69 Cat 3/4 women... 1st in Women's Open at St. Johns Powerful Medicine Crit on my "home turf" in Springfield, MO and then wrapped up my season with a pretty dominate Gateway Cup! My goal was 1st at Days 1 and 3 and podium on days 2 and 4 and then walk away first overall with the leaders jersey! Well...guess what? 1st - Day 1, 2nd - Day 2, 1st- Day 3, 5th - Day 4 AND after I got that Leader's Jersey on Day 1 I never gave it up!!! What a great way to end my road season and my last races as a Cat 3!!!

After that...lets see....Adam and I took off to Tulum, for a much needed Mexican vacation!!! And just in case you hadn't caught the pics on his blog or on my FB, it's gorgeous! Such a great time..I think we would both love to go back! Following the road season, I took a little bit of time off the bike, as well as just some easy riding. My fitness hurt because of it in the first part of the cross season, but I ended the season well and am now ready for the road (or I think so, at least)!

Oh and if you didn't pick up on it, Adam and I are still together...yes, almost 14 months later from our first date on NYE 09'!

So about everything else....well, about a year ago I quickly proclaimed "28 is great" with the idea that 2010 was going to be an incredible year for me...maybe the best yet! Well, sometimes when you least expect it, things happen, good and bad and this year was one of those years, unfortunately, this time "bad" rather than "good". Before I get into that, I don't want to down play the great things...because clearly, there were some great things in my 28th year of life....1st falling in love with Adam - who is not only my boyfriend, but truly my best friend, 2nd I gained a wonderful roommate, who has also become one of my best friends (Andrea), 3rd - clearly I had a great season on the bike and 4th I feel so fortunate to still have a job in this tough economy that allows me to live and also feed my addiction (aka bike racing)...even though I have continued to look for a new job/career that I feel would better suit me and my strengths!

However, getting back to the "bad" things that just happen in life...well, after nearly 30 years of marriage, my parents are getting divorced! I know so so many, TOO many, people go through it, but that doesn't make it any easier and I don't care how old you are when it happens it's never easy. And whomever came up with the idea of "staying together for the kids" is a bunch of bullshit, because I will tell you, when all you have known is your parents together, fighting for it, better or worse and you learn that marriage is a lifetime commitment and then all of a sudden someone pulls the rug out from under you, you begin to question all you have known and seen through the years. And in this particular case, my case, I've really questioned who my father is, who I thought he was and who he has become. You see, my father, Paul Dock, left my Mom for his secretary. And to add insult to injury, by stepping outside of his marriage, it was with his 30something year old secretary, Angela. And in her short 38 years of life she has managed to wreck both her previous marriages by cheating and has now wrecked at least two other marriages (that I'm aware of), including my parents... I don't know about you, but at my place of work, we call those women "home wreckers". And I haven't quite decided who I feel more sorry for, her 9 year old son who is probably completely confused by why Mommy's "old" (taken straight from the horse's mouth) boss now lives with them, my Mom - who's life has been turned upside down or for my Dad, who is inevitably going to be taken for all that he's got (and I'm not talking about from the divorce agreement) and in the mean time, has destroyed his relationship with multiple people and most importantly me. You see, Paul has been more than just my Dad through the years, he's been my very biggest supporter, my best friend, my encourager, my biggest fan, we have ALWAYS had a special bond that so many of my friends have been envious of through the years and overall he's been a man I've been so proud to call me "Daddy".......until now. Bless his heart, he always wants to see the very best in people - he always has, but with that comes a price, you get taken for granted, because he's straight up gullible and I feel quite confident that, this is how this "home wrecker" has turned him into someone I no longer know. I have a really hard time believing that he's been faking who he is for the first 28 years of my life and the real him is now coming out, maybe I'm wrong, but I can say this with confidence, he is NOT the man that raised me and I knew for the first 28 years of my life. My Dad taught me a lot and a big part of that was being a good/honest person and I think my moral character proves that, the things he has done and become are not with good moral character, that I know. Its so absolutely disappointing, frustrating, sad and has made me very angry. But not that long ago I remember a conversation we were having and he said I was "resilient" and that he "always admired that in me." Well, by God, he's right about that. With or without him in my life, I will be just fine! At least I had a father the first 28 years of my life, that's more than a lot of people can say.

So you may ask, why would I talk about this on my blog? Well, for a few reasons...if you know me well and have noticed over the past 8-9 months I haven't been my normal cheery self, here's an explanation and a very small idea as to what I've been dealing with, another being if someone asks or wonders what has happen to my Dad or why my Mom is flying solo or why you see Paul around Springfield with a young-ish looking blond woman, it's not his daughter, it's his former mistress/secretary turned girlfriend.